Neediness is one of the most unattractive traits an individual can possess. This is true not only in dating but in other relationships as well. Employees with little leverage often find themselves in a very needy position allowing their employers to exploit them. Men who have no idea what to do if their wife left are needy. I am needy at times and so are you.
Neediness is a PaRaDoX you see. We are all needy. The low-hanging fruit example is that we are all desperately needy and codependent on farmers. When was the last time you had to really worry about food scarcity? Probably a long time ago if ever. We have accepted each of us that we need the farmer. So we can see from this example that neediness is in fact fundamental to what we are as humans: we need each other to survive in a very literal sense.
So, bringing the conversation back to dating, we must first accept that we all have needs. I have accepted that I need women. That’s why I built this website. But the difference in my approach is that I don’t need any one woman. I am building a system of pickup that means I can meet my sexual and emotional needs where ever in the world I call home.
Neediness rears its ugly head in many forms. So I won’t try to tackle each symptom. Neediness is essentially a lack of self-development. Because neediness has different forms, this self-development may be of a different nature. For example, someone may be financially needy but emotionally independent. That person should focus his or her efforts on developing financial non-neediness.
For those interested in pickup, emotional non-neediness is what you are looking for. Here is another paradox for you: Women are attracted to men who aren’t afraid of rejection. Why is this a paradox? Because you have to get rejected a lot before you lose your fear of it. Emotional neediness has been my challenge throughout my adult life. It has manifested through misplaced trust in strangers and lovers. It has cost my hundreds in Tinder boosts/power ups. And it has led to many miserable nights.
So, I have created a recipe for myself that directly addresses my symptoms of neediness. I can’t promise this will work for you too but I hope it gives you a starting point.
My non-neediness recipe
- Running
- Systems of pickup that allow me to leave a woman if I want to
- Lots of mental input in the form of coding
- Lots of journaling and blogging/free form writing
I fell back on these habits intensively when I broke up with my last long term partner. Running especially helped me let go of her. You need to choose a set of habits and daily practices that will allow you to meet at least a portion of the needs you have. You will always have an ache in your sole for a lover, but by developing these habits you are able to wait patiently for the correct and best lover.